What I can work on to improve my writing
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Vocabulary
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Use interesting words(adjectives,verbs,smile,onomatopoeia
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Structure
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End my story with my feelings/thoughts about the day.
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Ideas
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Plan my writing and get more ideas to write about.
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Whaea Lana’s comment
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Small amount of detail try more add more of what you feel see, think, and hear. Great to see you using speech marks and other punctuation marks. You will also be learning to become more accurate with your punctuation
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Waterfight
On Saturday afternoon I went to Auckland. at my aunt's house playing on my laptop
Next My aunty Rell was having a shower I said “ Rell Water fight”.Rell yells” ok”. I hurried downstairs grabbed my strong water gun I ran outside filled my water gun. After that
She came with my other water gun. The RPG I said Oh no”. I hid behind the black van I said “I need another plan”. She was right by the white van she saw me I shot her then she shot me back my RPG water gun it was cold as ice I yelled “Cold”. Then my uncle philip came with my other strong gun the sniper my uncle phil yelled “ Run!!!!!!!”. I ran shot her in the eye I said “Sorry rell”. Next my uncle said “ shower Dae”. I said “ ok”. I grabbed my towel went upstairs for a shower. Wow I will never forgot that day.
